The words we use matter. They don’t just communicate what’s happening — they shape how we experience it. Language influences the way we see ourselves, the people around us, and the situations we find ourselves in.
In therapy, I often invite clients to notice when their language starts circling around the same six words:
✨ Good
✨ Bad
✨ Right
✨ Wrong
✨ Should
✨ Shouldn’t
There’s nothing inherently wrong with these words (ironically!) — but when we overuse them or get stuck in them, they become shortcuts that close down curiosity. Each one carries a sense of judgment, finality, or pressure. And when judgment takes over, our minds tend to lock up instead of opening to possibility.
Why judgmental language keeps us stuck
Judgment-heavy words make things black and white. They tell us there’s one correct way to be, one right choice, one acceptable outcome. And while that can feel comforting in the short-term (“I just need to do the right thing”), it also squeezes out nuance.
Shifting out of judgment preserves mental openness and invites curiosity, rather than constriction. It helps us stay flexible, compassionate, and willing to think critically.
This is especially important in today’s world, where social media often packages everything into tidy boxes and quick sound bites — good/bad, right/wrong. Those neat little categories may make posts easy to digest, but they also deepen our divisions. They shut down conversation instead of opening it up.
Opening the mind is critical here: it keeps us from defaulting into rigid categories and allows us to move toward real connection, dialogue, and growth.
Gentle swaps for more curiosity
Here are some small shifts in language that can make a big difference:
- Instead of good/bad → try helpful/unhelpful, nourishing/misaligned
This focuses on impact rather than moral judgment. - Instead of right/wrong → try effective/ineffective, constructive/less helpful
This emphasizes what works in a situation instead of assigning blame. - Instead of should/shouldn’t → try could/might, want to/don’t need to
This opens space for choice and agency instead of pressure or shame.
Notice how different these reframes feel. They don’t erase responsibility — but they create room for nuance, compassion, and a sense of possibility.
Care is not the same as judgment
It’s worth saying: sometimes neutrality has been misused as apathy — a way of checking out, disengaging, or avoiding responsibility. That’s not what I’m pointing toward here.
You can care deeply about something (about many things) while still shifting your language in a way that invites nuance. The goal isn’t to stop caring — it’s to stop collapsing care into judgment.
When we soften our language, we leave space for critical thinking and genuine dialogue. We leave room to explore, wonder, and even change our minds. And that’s how growth happens.
An invitation
Notice the words you reach for most often. Where do good/bad, right/wrong, should/shouldn’t show up in your self-talk or conversations?
Next time you catch one, pause. Ask yourself: Is there another word I could try here? One that invites curiosity instead of judgment?
The shift may feel small, but it can open up an entirely new way of relating — to yourself, to others, and to the world around you.
